Refill
by RoadSignsRockSongs
Summary: Olivia's alcohol dependency is becoming a real problem. Eventual A/O. Warning: alcoholism will be a central theme in this story, so it may be triggering for some.
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note:**_ **I decided to explore a "what-if" scenario where Olivia develops alcoholism. Eventually a relationship between Alex and Olivia will develop. This story takes place in the Season 11 time frame, so Elliot is still Olivia's partner. We may have some Munch, Cragen, and other surprise visitors as well. Obviously, SVU and all characters belong to Dick Wolf and company. I'm just checking them out of the library for a little while. **

* * *

Olivia held up her drink and stared at the mouthful of liquid left at the bottom. Tipping her glass forward, she gave a salute to the air. "Cheers to another night of my life down the drain," she announced to the empty room.

She polished off the remains of her drink and set the glass down on the coffee table. Olivia steadied herself on the couch's armrest as she struggled to get to her feet. She bent over to retrieve the glass from the table, but instead, she accidentally knocked it to the floor. The glass softly thudded as it landed on the area rug.

"Good thing it was empty," Olivia chuckled. She left the glass on the floor and focused instead on balancing herself. Once she was on her feet, she slowly made her way to the kitchen.

Olivia opened her refrigerator and surveyed its contents. The shelves were mostly bare except for a white takeout box of unknown origin, a few cans of diet soda, and Olivia's last remaining bottle of vodka. She grabbed a soda can and the vodka and set them on the countertop. She then took a glass from the cabinet and placed a few ice cubes in the glass. Olivia poured vodka over the ice, until the glass was half full, and filled the rest with soda. She then clumsily swirled the mixture in the glass, spilling some on the kitchen tiles.

She ignored the mess on the kitchen floor and stumbled back into the living room, holding both her drink and the vodka bottle. Olivia sank into the couch and reached for the remote. She turned on the television, mindlessly flipping through the channels until she found the Mets game. The combination of the alcohol and the steady sounds of the ballgame soon lulled her into a deep sleep.

* * *

Olivia slowly opened her eyes and groaned. Sunlight streamed through the window as the living room came into focus. Glancing over at the cable box, she saw the time. 10:06! Crap! She was incredibly late for work. Why didn't her alarm ring? The detective tapped on her phone screen but it remained black. She forgot to charge her phone. As soon as Olivia got to her feet, a wave of sickness hit her. Her head was throbbing and her stomach was brewing. She raced to the bathroom just in time to vomit. As she finished throwing up, she heard pounding on her door.

"Liv! Hey, are you in there?" shouted the familiar voice of her partner.

"Just a minute," she yelled.

She glanced at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. "You look like hell," she thought to herself.

She walked back into the living room and opened the door.

"You look great," Elliot remarked as he stepped through the doorway.

She glared at him. "I'm really sick. I had some Chinese food from a new place around the corner last night. Bad decision," she lied.

"You forget about calling?" he asked.

"I was so sick I forgot to charge my phone last night. So my alarm didn't go off and I was in such a deep sleep that I only just got up a few minutes ago"

"Ok," Elliot replied. In his usual detective mode, he scanned the room. He noticed the glass on the floor and the alcohol bottle on the coffee table.

"You sure it was that food?" he asked skeptically as he smirked at her.

"Well, I had a drink last night with dinner, but it was certainly not enough to make me throw up my intestines!" she shot back.

"Charming visual. We were worried when you didn't show up this morning. I'm glad that everything is ok - well, relatively speaking. I'll let Cragen know about your food poisoning. Let me know if you need anything," he offered.

"Thanks," she said, as she escorted him to the door.

"Feel better, Liv," Elliot responded.

"I will," she assured her partner, as she locked the door behind him.

Elliot grinned as he walked towards the elevator. He could see right through her food poisoning excuse, but he would relay the news to the captain. "After all," he thought, "she works herself to death, and everyone's had a night like that."


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Note: **_**Thank you so much for the follows and reviews! You are awesome! I plan on updating this story a few times per week, depending on my schedule. The first few chapters are already in draft form, and I have several more ideas that haven't been fully fleshed out. Now, on with our show... **

* * *

For most of the day, Olivia alternated between thrashing around on her bed and hovering over the toilet.

"Ugh, please make it stop," she prayed, hoping that some merciful diety might be listening. "I swear I'm never gonna drink again!"

Olivia's mind drifted back to her childhood. She had heard that exact phrase come out of her mother's mouth countless times. Along with a few more of Serena Benson's greatest hits:

_"I can quit anytime I want!"_

_"I'm only having one tonight!"_

_"It's a special occasion!"_

She wondered if she was heading down that same path. Olivia had to admit that her alcohol consumption had noticeably increased over the past several weeks. Lately, she found herself drinking after every shift.

"Maybe that's normal," she thought. "I know plenty of people who have a drink or two after work each day."

Despite her mother's alcoholism, Olivia had never avoided drinking. She was usually very careful about her consumption though, and she generally only drank with friends. The few occasions where she did go overboard had led to massive regrets. Until recently, she had never indulged on consecutive days.

"Come on...I'm nothing like her. I've held a steady job for years and I'm damn good at it. When do I ever miss work? It was one mistake. Things have just been hard lately and I've needed to take the edge off. So I took it too far last night...it happens."

Satisfied with her rationalization, Olivia rolled over and tried to will herself to sleep. After a few minutes of restlessness, she got out of bed and plopped down on the couch. She then noticed the bottle on the table and the glass on the floor.

Olivia shook her head. "Not like mom, huh?"

She picked up the glass and grabbed the bottle. Olivia dragged herself into the kitchen, put the glass in the sink, and debated about what to do with the vodka.

"Maybe I should dump it," she thought. "Maybe keeping liquor in the house isn't a great idea right now."

Then she countered herself. "I'm not a drunk! Why would I need to get rid of it? Unlike mom, I can completely control my actions."

Olivia decided that the vodka would go back in the refrigerator. As she stepped towards the refrigerator, her sock stuck to the tile. She looked down and saw the spill that she'd neglected to clean yesterday.

"On second thought, Liv, you're done," she scolded herself. Olivia quickly poured the vodka down the drain before she could change her mind again. "Better safe than sorry."

Sighing, she then grabbed some paper towels and cleaner and quickly wiped up the floor.

Olivia returned to the couch and looked at her phone. She deleted the missed messages from that morning and double checked to make sure that her alarm was set and that her phone was plugged in. She turned on the TV and found a brainless comedy movie that wouldn't require her to think too much. It soon made her drowsy, and for yet another night, she fell asleep on the couch.

* * *

Olivia arrived at work the next day without incident. It was a slow morning, so she decided to catch up on some paperwork. Elliot had taken the day off, and Munch and Fin were up in Harlem following up on a lead. Since there were no distractions, Olivia quickly became absorbed in her work. She didn't even notice Alex walk into Cragen's office.

After meeting with Cragen, Alex went over to the detective's desk. "Hey, Liv," she said. Olivia jumped at her voice.

"Whoa, Alex, you startled me," Olivia exclaimed.

"Sorry about that. Those reports must be really engrossing," Alex laughed. "Anyway, how are you feeling? I heard you were sick yesterday."

"Yeah, I had some bad Chinese food," Olivia replied, sticking with her story. "I'm still not 100%, but I'm much better today."

"Good to hear. Hey listen, if you're feeling up to it on Friday, would you like to have dinner? We haven't really seen each other outside of work in a while, and I thought it would be fun to get together"

"I'm sure I'll be just fine, and I would love to hang out," Olivia assured her.

"Excellent! A nice Italian place recently opened in my neighborhood. It's called Salvatore's Cucina. I've been there a couple of times and the food has been phenomenal. I'll make a reservation for 8:00."

"Sounds perfect," Olivia said.

"I'm looking forward to it." Alex glanced at her watch. "I hate to run, but I have to get to the courthouse. I'll text you the address later."

"Ok. See you soon, Alex."

Alex smiled at Olivia and then quickly rushed out the door.

Olivia had been ecstatic when Alex returned to SVU. She'd harbored a not-so-secret crush on Alex for years and she had a sense that Alex felt the same way. They had started getting very close right before Alex was shot, but Witness Protection killed any chance of the relationship progressing to another level. Regardless of whether a potential romance was in the air, Olivia was just happy to have Alex back in her life. She counted Alex as one of her closest friends and was thrilled that they would soon be spending some one-on-one time together.

* * *

Alex's invitation had put Olivia in a great mood. She decided to treat herself to a rare leisurely lunch at a local burger joint. She sat at the bar since she was dining solo.

The server greeted her. "Good afternoon ma'am. My name is Paul and I'll be taking care of you today. May I offer you something to drink? We have some fantastic new flavors from Brooklyn Brewery on tap." He couldn't see Olivia's badge and gun from behind the bar and didn't realize that she was an on-duty police officer.

"A beer sounds wonderful...but right now I'm on the clock, so I'll have to stick to caffeine. I'll have a diet soda," Olivia replied.

Paul nodded. "I completely understand. One diet soda coming right up." He walked to the other side of the bar to get Olivia's soda.

"See...I'm completely in control," she reassured herself as she looked over the menu. "I would never risk my badge for a drink."


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author's Note: **_**Again**_**,**_** I truly appreciate the encouraging comments and follows. You're definitely keeping me motivated!**

**The only L&O series that I've watched are SVU and the original. I won't be referencing plotlines/characters from the other spinoffs because I don't know anything about them. Those shows don't exist in my universe. I figure that there are very good reasons why those shows didn't last long. **

* * *

Friday night couldn't come fast enough for Olivia. She arrived at Salvatore's Cucina a few minutes early and waited for Alex outside the door. It was a beautiful May evening, and Olivia took some time to appreciate the colors of the sunset interfacing with the buildings along the street.

Alex showed up promptly at 8:00. "Shall we?" she asked Olivia.

Olivia grinned. "Absolutely!"

The two women entered the restaurant and were seated at a small corner table in the back.

Alex looked over the restaurant's extensive wine list while they waited for their server. "Some vino, Liv?" she asked.

Olivia had completely abstained from drinking for the remainder of the week, and she figured that she had given herself a long enough break. "That would be great. I'll let you do the ordering, Ms. Wine Snob," Olivia teased.

Alex laughed. "There's no greater pleasure in life than relaxing with a nice glass of wine, imported cheese, and a good book. You should try it."

Olivia suddenly felt self-conscious. Although she had avoided alcohol since her slip-up, drinking was definitely consuming her thoughts. "Maybe..." she trailed off.

Their server appeared and Olivia was spared from thinking of a further response. "Buonasera, ladies! My name is Luca, and I will be your server tonight. I see you're looking at the wine list."

Alex nodded, "Do you have any recommendations?"

"My personal favorite is the Carloni Merlot 2008 vintage. It's from a tiny Tuscan winery that's starting to generate a lot of buzz in the industry."

"Excellent. We'll have one bottle, please," Alex said.

"Certainly. I'll have that out right away," Luca responded. After he left the table, Olivia and Alex silently looked over their menus, trying to decide what to eat.

Luca swiftly returned with the wine and two glasses. He poured a small portion of the Merlot into Alex's glass.

She sampled it and nodded with her approval. "This is heavenly. Thank you".

"I knew you would love it," Luca said, as he filled both of their glasses. "Have you decided on your entrees?"

"I'll have the penne alla vodka and a side salad with balsamic vinaigrette," Olivia said.

Alex then gave her order. "I'll have the chicken marsala with a side of mushroom risotto."

"Both excellent choices, ladies. I'll have your meals out shortly. Please let me know if there's anything else I can do for you in the meantime," Luca offered.

"Will do," Alex promised.

After Luca walked away, Olivia quickly drank her wine. She reached for the bottle to take a second helping, but then thought better of it. "I can't have Alex think that I might be drinking too much," she thought. Olivia slowly put her hand down.

Alex noticed her hesitation. "Wow, you must really like this wine! Go on, Liv, we can always order another bottle if necessary."

"You sure know how to pick them, Al. This wine is amazing!" Olivia disregarded any worries about how Alex would perceive her and happily helped herself another glass. She silently admonished herself to slow the pace of her drinking.

"The blackberry undertones really give it a rich flavor," Alex remarked.

Olivia smiled and nodded as she sipped her drink. Her pallette wasn't quite as refined as Alex's. The wine could have had lima bean undertones for all she knew. "You're not going to discuss tannins now, are you?"

"Oh, don't tempt me," Alex playfully warned. "Actually, I was going to ask how you've been. Is there anything new and exciting going on?"

Olivia shook her head. "Right, Alex. You know me - the only 'new and exciting' events in my life are new cases."

"Yeah, same here, Liv. I eat, sleep, and breathe work."

"We're so boring," Olivia commented.

Alex suddenly became very interested in her napkin. She fidgeted with it before speaking again. "You know, Liv...it doesn't have to be this way."

"What do you mean?"

"Well," Alex began. "I mean...what about this? Us? You know, spending time together. What if...well, what if we did this more often. Like...on a regular basis?" The usually confident attorney was struggling with her words.

Olivia's eyes widened. "You mean, like, dating?"

"Look, we had a spark going before I was shot. I know you felt it too."

"I did, Alex. But, I'm kind of shocked. I wasn't expecting this at all and I-"

Alex cut her off. "I know this is completely out of the blue. But I'm tired of playing the 'what-if' game."

Olivia let out a deep breath. "I'd like to try, Alex. But -"

Alex interrupted her again. "Oh, no. Don't tell me you're seeing someone."

Olivia smirked. "Really, Alex, with the way gossip spreads in our department, you'd know if I was dating someone before I did. Let me finish. I want this. More than anything. But I'm scared. I'm not exactly the poster child for healthy relationships."

"Yeah, and I'm a shining example? I'm afraid too, Liv. I really am. But I'd like to give it a shot."

"Well...then yes. Let's try it, Alex." Olivia said as she took Alex's hand. "I need you to promise me one thing though."

"What is it?" Alex asked.

"If this doesn't work out, and believe me, I want this to work more than anything, but...seriously, if this doesn't work out, promise me that we'll still be friends. I don't ever want to lose your friendship."

"You have my word, Liv. I'll never abandon you," Alex promised.

"Great!" Olivia replied. "So, does this count as our first date?"

"Sure, let's make it official. I propose a toast," Alex said, raising her glass. "To us."

"To us." Olivia swallowed the remains of her drink. She then emptied the remaining wine from the bottle into her glass. After she finished pouring she realized what she'd done. "I'm so sorry! That remaining wine should have been yours."

"Nonsense! It's a celebration." Alex caught Luca's eye and he came over to the table. "Another bottle, please," she requested.

Luca smiled. "Coming right up!"

Olivia polished off the remains of her glass and waited for the next bottle. She was starting to get that familiar giddy feeling, where she knew that the world was working with her, rather than against her. Another couple of glasses would make her absolutely invincible.

Luca corked the bottle and served them each a fresh glass. "Now let's really get this party started!" Olivia declared. She sipped her wine and and let all her cares wash away.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Author's Note: **_**Olivia is a Mets fan because she truly understands pain and suffering.**

* * *

"That was the best dinner of my life!" Olivia shouted as she and Alex exited Salvatore's. They walked to the corner and started to cross the street when Olivia stumbled over the curb.

"Easy there, Liv," Alex said, as she reached out to steady Olivia.

"Thanks, Al. I couldn't have survived that fall!" Olivia giggled at her exaggeration.

Alex smiled. The wine had put her in a good mood, but she wasn't flying nearly as high as Olivia. "She's definitely a cute drunk," Alex thought.

The two women walked hand-in-hand towards Alex's building. They arrived at the entrance and Alex turned towards Olivia. "Would you like to come up for a few? I think it's in our mutual best interest to spend some more time together."

"No wonder why you have such a great conviction record! That was the most amazing argument I've ever heard," Olivia responded.

Alex laughed. "I think I've had one or two that were slightly better. Though maybe I should just start inviting jurors over for dinner."

Olivia looked at her with a concerned look. "You can't do that...it's cheating. What if someone found out?"

"I'd be disbarred. I was kidding, Liv." Alex realized that Olivia was definitely more intoxicated than she had originally thought. It was still sort of cute, but she hoped Olivia's common sense would turn back on soon.

"Oh good. Because that would be the worst thing that ever happened," Olivia stated.

"It would definitely be awful. So...are you coming up?"

"Of course!" Olivia exclaimed.

Alex fished her keys out of her purse and a few minutes later they were in Alex's apartment.

"Can I get you anything? Maybe some water or a soda?" Alex asked.

"How about some wine?" Olivia suggested. "We're still in celebration mode here!"

"I don't know, Liv, don't you think we had enough at the restaurant?"

"The night is young, and tomorrow is Saturday. I'm not on call this weekend, so I can enjoy myself for as long as possible."

"I really think you should take a breather," Alex suggested.

"Oh come on, one more isn't going to hurt," Olivia scoffed.

Alex sighed. "Ok, one more glass. But that's it. I have an open bottle in the fridge."

"You're the best, Alex!"

"I don't know if you'll be thinking that in the morning," she said as she walked into the kitchen.

"Make yourself comfortable," Alex called out. "The remote is on the side table if you want to watch TV."

Olivia flipped through the channels until she found the Mets game. They were playing the Giants in San Francisco, so the game was still going on even though it was late in New York.

Alex returned and handed Olivia her glass of wine.

"Nothing for you?"

Alex shook her head. "I'm a lightweight and I'm feeling absolutely wonderful right now, so I don't need any more wine."

Alex sat next to Olivia and watched as she took a sip of the wine. "What do you think?"

Olivia's focus was on the game. "About what?"

"The wine. How is it?"

"Oh, right...the wine! It's amazing! It definitely has flavor notes or something."

Alex grinned. " Ok, I admit I'm a full-on wine snob."

As Olivia sipped her wine, Alex moved closer. She wrapped her arms around Olivia, and Olivia leaned into her embrace. For a few minutes, neither of them spoke.

Alex broke the silence. "I feel so content right now."

"I know. I'm incredibly happy. This is perfect...cuddling with you, watching my Mets - oh come on, what are you swinging at?!" Olivia yelled at the television.

"Shhh, Olivia, it's after eleven and I don't want any noise complaints from the neighbors."

"Oh...right. Sorry. But that pitch was two miles off the plate!"

"I'm sure it was. But yelling isn't going to change that. Maybe we should watch something that's not so frustrating," Alex proposed.

"No, I'll be good," Olivia promised. She and Alex continued to watch the game, silently enjoying each other's company. Alex didn't care about baseball, but she was willing to sit through every single inning if it made Olivia happy.

Olivia broke the contact by setting her empty glass on the coffee table. She turned to face Alex. "You know..." Olivia started.

"Yes, Liv?"

"You know what would be great? Another glass of wine," Olivia said, as if it were the most logical statement she could make.

"No, that's really not a good idea. You said one more. Your 'one more' is done. You've had more than enough," Alex told her.

"Alex, I'm just trying to enjoy this night. I'm not a college kid, I know my limits. You're violating the Declaration of Independence. Or whatever old piece of paper has my rights." Olivia's speech was slightly slurred and her eyes were glassy.

Beligerently drunk Olivia was not all that cute. Alex decided to try a different approach.

"Olivia, how would you like to make tonight last even longer?"

Olivia was intrigued. "Are you going to stop time?"

"I'm not. But why don't you stay here tonight? I can fix up the couch for you. Then we'll still be together in the same place."

Alex hoped Olivia would agree. She did not want Olivia going home in the state she was in.

"That is an amazing idea! But can't I sleep in your bed?"

"No, not tonight. First of all, you're in no shape to consent to anything I would like to do to you. And second, I want to make sure that everything is perfect before we get to that stage."

Olivia pouted. "Ok, fine. But only because you're the best."

Alex was relieved that Olivia didn't argue. "I'll grab you a night shirt and some sweats."

She found an old T-shirt and some loose black sweats for Olivia. Alex also grabbed two pillows and a light blanket from her closet. When she returned to the living room, Olivia was curled up into a ball on the couch, fast asleep.

"That was fast," Alex said out loud. She draped the blanket over Olivia and stroked her hair. "Goodnight, Liv," she whispered.

* * *

Alex laid in bed, wide awake. Her mind was jumping all over the place.

_"_I can't believe I'm actually going out with Olivia Benson! I have wanted this for so long and it's really happening!"

"I hope I don't mess this up. No, Alex, don't even think that way. I'm going to treat her like a queen and I'm going to put in 100% effort to make this relationship work."

"But what was wrong with her tonight? I've never seen Olivia drink that much. Maybe she was nervous...I know I was. I'm sure it's a fluke - she knows firsthand about how damaging drinking can be."

"I'll keep an eye on her consumption though, just as a precaution. I need to look out for her."


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's Note:**_** You readers out there continue to be awesome! I'm taking a much needed vacation starting tomorrow, and I won't have access to a computer. Fear not, regular updates will continue when I get back next week! Hint...solving Olivia's problem isn't going to be nearly as easy as this chapter may indicate. **

* * *

Alex woke up and stretched out in her bed. After mentally reviewing the events of the prior evening, she figured she should get up and check on Olivia.

Olivia was lying in the exact same position from that night, and it didn't look like she would be waking up anytime soon.

Alex was hungry. She decided to get some bagels and coffee from the deli on the corner. She threw on a tank top and thin sweatpants, then quickly washed her face and brushed her teeth. Alex was only going to be gone for a few minutes, so she felt no need to put much effort into her appearance.

Olivia hadn't stirred at all. Alex left a short note on the side table explaining where she was, just in case Olivia woke up.

* * *

"I bet this is the longest Olivia has slept in ages," Alex thought as she walked to the kitchen. She spread cream cheese on a salted bagel and set the bagel and her coffee on the kitchen table. She opened her copy of that morning's New York Times and began reading.

Alex was halfway through the "Arts" section when she heard movement from the couch. She went into the living room.

Olivia was still laying on the couch, but she was awake.

"Good morning. How are you feeling?" Alex asked.

Olivia slowly sat up and faced Alex. "A little banged up, but I'm fine."

"I bought coffee and bagels. Do you feel like having any?"

"You are a lifesaver, Alex. Yes, I'll have a plain bagel with nothing on it and black coffee."

"Sure thing," Alex replied.

"I'm going to use the bathroom," Olivia said.

"Of course. There are some toothbrushes in the bottom cabinet and feel free to use anything I have in there. Also, last night I got you some sweats and a t-shirt and left them on the counter. You might feel a bit more comfortable if you changed," Alex offered.

"Thank you. You are amazing!" Olivia headed to the bathroom. She wasn't nauseous from the alcohol, but she felt sick to her stomach about what may have happened last night. She tried to run through everything, but there were a few significant gaps.

Olivia's self criticism went into overdrive. "You are an idiot, Liv. You lost control again and probably ruined any chance you may have had with her. She should have kicked you out last night. Alex is way too good for you. You're nothing but a worthless alcoholic, just like your mother!"

Olivia's internal tirade was interrupted by Alex knocking on the door.

"Your breakfast is ready. Are you OK in there?"

"Yep, I'm fine. Just finishing up. I'll be right out." Olivia changed her clothes, splashed some water on her face and checked out her reflection. "I look relatively human," she thought and then returned to the living room.

Olivia drank her coffee and took small bites of her bagel. Alex sat on the other side of the couch, working on the Times crossword puzzle.

"Liv, would you happen to know the name of a Lee Harvey Oswald victim that's not JFK? Six letters, third letter is 'P'."

"Tippit, with two 'I's'. J.D. Tippit. He was a Dallas police officer on patrol that day. He saw that Oswald fit the description of JFK's shooter and tried to investigate. When Tippit got out of his car, Oswald shot him dead," Olivia confidently answered.

"Thanks," Alex said, as she filled in the boxes. "You aren't one of those conspiracy nuts, are you?" she teased.

"Well, I certainly don't think that Oswald acted alone. There is no way he could have gotten those three shots off in that short amount of time and have been accurate enough to kill JFK. But we'll never know the true story, so I've begrudgingly accepted the 'official' theory," Olivia explained.

"Interesting. I've never really read much about it, but I know that there is a ton of controversy surrounding the assassination," Alex responded. She continued to work on her crossword while Olivia finished her breakfast.

After she polished off her coffee, Olivia knew that she had to address the elephant in the room.

"Alex..." she began.

"Yes, Liv?" Alex put down the newspaper and gave Olivia her undivided attention.

Olivia paused before speaking. "I need to apologize for last night. I was ecstatic when you asked me out, and I wanted to celebrate. But I took it way too far. I'm so, so sorry. I hope you can forgive me, but I understand if you can't."

"Liv, it's fine. I know you were just trying to have a good time. We've all had nights like those. I'd be lying if I said that I've never drank too much and regretted it," Alex admitted.

"I hate being out of control, and I hate not remembering everything. Was I incredibly obnoxious?"

"No more than usual." Alex grinned at Olivia. "Seriously though, you were somewhat belligerent when I refused you more alcohol, but you were more goofy than anything. It was cute, actually."

"Cute, huh? I'd rather be sophisticated and witty, but there are worse adjectives I suppose." Olivia looked down at the floor before speaking again.

"Alex, it's just...I don't ever want to turn into my mother. Her drinking ruined her life, and almost ruined mine. I've always had a healthy respect for alcohol, but lately...lately, I've been worried about my own drinking. I haven't been very responsible with my intake lately."

Alex moved over until she was right next to Olivia and pulled her into an embrace. "That cannot have been easy to admit. Maybe you do need to cut down or even stop completely. I don't know about your drinking habits, aside from what I observed last night. I'll fully support whatever decision you make, as long as it's in your best interest."

"Right now, I think I need a complete break from alcohol," Olivia confessed. "But you're an adult, and I don't want my problems to interfere with your life. I know you like your wine."

"Liv, I'll do anything it takes to help you. If I have to make a choice between alcohol and you, you will win every time."

Hot tears sprung to Olivia's eyes. "You don't have to do this."

Alex released the embrace and lifted Olivia's chin so that they were looking directly into each others eyes. "I know I don't have to. I want to. I want to be in a relationship with you, and I'm willing to take the good with the bad. I'm not perfect either, you know."

A small smile formed on Olivia's lips. "Tell me about it. Your knowledge of JFK's assassination is ridiculously weak."

Alex laughed. "That's true. I'll let you in on another secret. I failed calculus during my second semester at college. I had to retake it over the summer. I think I passed the second time solely because my professor felt sorry for me. I really did try my best, but I was terrible at it. To this day, I have no clue what a hyperbola is."

Olivia gasped in mock horror. "I am shocked, Ms. Cabot!"

"I am a woman of many talents. Advanced math is not one of them."

"Well," Olivia said, "if the Times crossword requires any calculations, I'm happy to do them for you." She took Alex's hands. "Alex...thank you. I want to be the girlfriend that you deserve. So I'll stop drinking for now, before I become just like my mother"

Alex shook her head. "Olivia...you will never be like her. I never met her, but from what you've told me, I can only see the complete opposite qualities in you. Maybe you do need to be more careful with alcohol than most people, but that in no way makes you any less of a person."

Olivia was relieved. She was still a bit hungover, but the pit in her stomach had disappeared.

"You know, Liv, we did forget to do one thing last night."

"Oh really? What was it?"

"This." Alex leaned in and kissed Olivia. As soon as their lips touched, both women knew that they wanted more. The kiss deepened, and it was a few minutes before they came up for air.

"That was amazing. I have wanted to do that for so long," Alex stated.

"Me too," Olivia agreed.

"So what do you want to do now?" Alex asked. "I don't have any plans for the day."

"Well, I figured I'd lay low for the day and recover. I can go home and do that, or..." Olivia looked hopefully at Alex.

"You can stay here. We can have a lazy Saturday. Is there a Mets game today? We can watch it together."

"Yes, all teams play on Saturday and Sunday, so the Mets will be on. But we don't have to watch the game if it's going to bore you," Olivia said.

"I know how much you love baseball, so I'm happy to watch with you. Maybe I'll enjoy it more if you explain it to me," Alex suggested.

"Sure thing," Olivia promised. "And if you're not busy tomorrow, maybe we can do something that you enjoy."

"That would be great, and I know just the thing. There's a special Cezanne exhibit at the MOMA. I would love to see it."

"Perfect," Olivia agreed. "I enjoy looking at art, even if I can barely draw stick figures. It's a date!"

The two women snuggled close together on the couch and began their quiet, low-key Saturday.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Author's Note: **_**Protip: Don't take vacation, move, and start a new job all within a three week time period. It's just a bit stressful :) **

**Anyway...on with our story. You all have been great, so I wanted to get a chapter up. Plus, I'm tired of packing.**

* * *

"That Cezanne exhibit really was spectacular," Olivia remarked as she and Alex waited at the edge of the sidewalk for a taxi.

Alex nodded. "Totally. You can really see his versatility and progression when viewing his works in a comprehensive collection. He was such an important influence on 20th century art."

"I'm glad we did this, Alex. It's not something I'd normally do, but it was so much fun."

"I'm happy you enjoyed it," Alex said.

Olivia spotted an empty cab and successfully hailed it. The two women got in the backseat and Olivia gave the cabbie Alex's address.

"You know," Olivia began, "I wish Cezanne had influenced more artists. Calling some of those pieces 'art' is really a stretch. Maybe I'm just too uncultured, but seriously...some of those works look like my kindergarten fingerpaintings."

"I don't think you're uncultured at all. Art is incredibly diverse, and conceptual pieces can be interesting, but I honestly believe that a lot of those modern artists are full of it," Alex responded.

"That's a relief! I thought I was the only one who thought that," Olivia said.

"Definitely not. So, Liv, what was your favorite piece?"

"No contest, 'The Starry Night'. I mean, you see photos of it all the time, but they don't do it justice. Van Gogh's brushwork was so intense, and this may sound weird, but I could feel his passion and struggle radiate from the canvas. It was breathtaking."

"It is a beautiful painting," Alex agreed.

"What about yours?" Olivia asked.

"That's a tough one. I loved the Cezanne works, obviously, but I keep going back to 'The Persistence of Memory'. I can't explain why, but I love it."

"I understand. It speaks to you," Olivia stated. "It's an innovative piece, that's for sure."

The cab pulled up to Alex's building. Olivia insisted on paying, and soon they were back in Alex's apartment. Olivia made herself comfortable on the couch while Alex sat on her recliner.

"I wish this weekend wasn't ending. I had such a great time with you, Al. But I think you're tired of seeing me in these same clothes, so I'll head home in a few."

"Liv, this is only the beginning. We'll have plenty more weekends." Alex leaned forward. "I hope you don't get offended, but I have to ask you something. Are you sure you'll be ok at home? I know you want to stop drinking, but do you think you'll be able to resist it when you're alone?"

Olivia loudly exhaled. She wanted to reassure Alex; to let her believe that everything would be fine. But Olivia couldn't bring herself to lie to Alex. "That's a fair question. Honestly...I don't know. I wish I could guarantee that I won't drink, but I can't. I know that's not the answer you wanted to hear, but I want to be completely truthful with you."

Alex sighed. "Well...I do appreciate your honesty. I wish your answer was different, but we have to deal with reality. So maybe a better question is...how can I help prevent you from drinking? I mean, would staying here help? I could hold you accountable and make sure you don't have access to alcohol."

Olivia rose from the couch and wrapped her arms around Alex's shoulders from the back. She gave Alex a quick kiss on the cheek.

"You're amazing. And so sweet. But we agreed to take it slow, and I don't want to overstay my welcome. You can't be around me 24/7. Not that I wouldn't love that, but we both know it's impossible. I need to take responsibility for my actions, and I have to control myself."

"But there has to be something I can do, Liv. How about this: if you feel the urge to drink tonight, please call me. Even if it's the middle of the night."

"Ok, Alex. I can call you." Olivia carefully chose those words. She didn't want to promise anything, since she wasn't confident that she could keep her promise.

"Thanks, Liv." Alex felt better knowing that she'd given Olivia an alternative to drinking.

"On that note, I'm going to head out."

Alex walked Olivia to the door. "Have a great night, Liv. And remember, you can always call me."

Olivia smiled. "I know." They gave each other goodbye kisses, then Olivia left.

Alex locked the door behind her, then grabbed her laptop from the desk. She sank into the couch and fired up Google. Alex typed "alcoholism" into the search box. Alex wasn't even sure if Olivia could be classified as an alcoholic, but she wanted to get any information that might help.

* * *

Olivia came up from the subway and began her walk home. She knew every inch of this path, and she knew exactly where Empire Spirits was. She'd been in there so often lately that the staff knew her by name. Olivia stopped in front of the store and peered inside. It was still early enough to buy something.

"Liv, what the hell are you thinking? You are not drinking tonight," Olivia scolded herself.

Not thirty minutes ago, she'd told Alex that she would call if she felt the urge to drink. Olivia pulled out her phone, but paused before dialing. "She's going to think there's something seriously wrong with me if I call her so soon. I can do this. Just walk away, Liv, come on."

Olivia stood by the entrance trying to decide what to do. Every cell in her body was coaxing her into the store. Her mind continued to debate itself.

_"Maybe I can just buy a six-pack. That's nothing."_

_"But 'no alcohol' means 'no alcohol'. Beer does have alcohol."_

_"It's just beer. It won't affect me as much."_

_"If I drink tonight, Alex will be so disappointed. I would feel like a jerk if I did that to her."_

_"Alex will forgive me. How many times did I forgive mom? And she won't find out unless I do something stupid."_

_"I'd still feel awful hiding this from her."_

_"Am I really going back and forth on this?"_

_"Yes, and that probably means that I should stay away from booze."_

Olivia stepped away from the entrance and quickly walked to her building. Once she was inside her apartment, Olivia called Alex.

Alex answered on the first ring. "Hey Liv. Are you ok?"

"Yep, I'm fine. I just got home and wanted to hear your voice. We've been separated for over 45 minutes." Olivia avoided mentioning her dilemma outside of the liquor store.

Alex laughed. "I miss you too. I'm so lonely without you here. I wish we were cuddling right now. Great, I'm turning into a sappy lovebird. I'm making myself sick."

"It's cute though," Olivia said.

"I have a reputation to uphold, you know. Cute doesn't jive well with 'heartless bitch'.

"Oh please, Alex, you're one of the kindest and sincere people I know." Olivia paused before speaking again. "Thanks again, for everything. I'm going to do my absolute best to stay away from alcohol."

"I'm glad to hear it, Liv. I'm sure it will be difficult, and there may be some rough patches, but I know you can do this."

"Yeah, it won't be easy. But I have you, and with your support, I know I can beat this."

"Excellent. So, do you need any warrants tomorrow?"

"I'm not sure, Alex. Why?"

"Because it gives me an excuse to see you."

Olivia smiled. "I'll see what I can do. But right now, there are only two things on my mind. You and sleep."

"Sleep sounds perfect right now. I'll let you go, but really, call me if you need to."

"I will. Sweet dreams, Alex."

"You too, Liv."

They hung up and Olivia changed into her pajamas. She crawled into bed and thought about the weekend. "How did I get so lucky?" she wondered.


	7. Chapter 7

**_Author's Note:_ You would think that transferring your existing Internet service from one apartment building to another would be easy. Sadly, you would be mistaken.**

**Also, you're probably going to hate me for this chapter :)**

* * *

"Hey Liv, want to grab some drinks?"

It was Thursday evening, and Fin was ready to let off some steam. It had been a hectic week for the squad, and they still had one more day to go.

"I don't know, Fin, I'm pretty beat," Olivia responded.

"That's never stopped you before. Come on, Benson, just stay for one round."

Olivia had not had a drink since the prior weekend. Although it was difficult, she'd managed to avoid the liquor store that entire week. She was worried that there would be too much temptation at a bar though.

However, Olivia also didn't want the guys to think that anything was wrong with her. She usually never passed on drinks unless she'd already made plans.

Olivia had to keep up the appearance that everything was fine. Her friends couldn't find out that she was following in her mother's footsteps. They would lose all respect for her. Olivia always swore that she would never be like her mother.

"Ok...but just one round and I'm sticking to soda tonight."

Fin didn't question her choice of beverage. "That's cool. I'll grab Munch and Stabler and we'll head out."

While she waited for the guys, Olivia texted Alex. She had seen Alex briefly on Tuesday to get a warrant, but Alex had been in court for the past two days, so they hadn't spent any time together since then.

"Hey! I miss you!"

Alex responded quickly. "I miss you too. Doing anything tomorrow night?"

Olivia smiled. "I have plans to hang out with a gorgeous blonde."

"Sounds fun. Anyone I know?"

"Nah, just some stranger I met on the street today."

"Haha. How is 7:00 at my place?"

"Perfect! I have to go now, but I'll see you tomorrow."

"Have a great night, Liv!"

Olivia looked up to see her three coworkers crowding her desk.

"You have the goofiest smile on your face right now," Elliot teased.

"Yeah, hot date tonight?" Munch chimed in.

Olivia could feel herself blushing, but she tried to play it cool. "Right... if I had a hot date, would I be going out with you three?"

"Hey, I'm quite a catch. Just ask any of my ex-wives," Munch replied.

Fin shook his head. "Yeah, great catch. That's why they threw your ass back in the water. Come on, let's go."

The team left the station and headed to one of their standbys, O'Malley's Pub.

* * *

"Let's get a pitcher," Elliot suggested.

"You guys go ahead. I'm just getting a Coke," Olivia said.

"You feeling alright, Benson?" Fin asked. "Coke ain't gonna make you feel good. Unless it's the white stuff, and that's a whole other deal."

All four of them laughed.

Olivia quickly came up with an excuse. "It's been a long day. I need some caffeine right now or I'm gonna fall asleep at the table."

The waiter came by to take their order. Elliot ordered a pitcher of Blue Moon and a Coke.

Olivia started to feel self-conscious. She always joined in when the squad went out for drinks. Olivia was sure that the guys knew something was wrong.

The waiter came back with their drinks. Elliot poured three glasses for the men while Olivia slowly sipped on her soda.

Munch started a story about his Baltimore days, but Olivia was too absorbed in her worrying to pay attention.

_This was a bad idea...I want that beer so badly. Maybe I should call Alex. She can talk me through this._

_One beer is not going to kill me. Just nurse it and the guys will never suspect a thing. I have this under control. Just one beer...it'll be like water._

_But I've done so well the past few days. Don't blow it just for a quick pick-me-up._

Olivia watched her friends. Each man was smiling, enjoying his drink. She could tell that the beer was starting to work its magic. The alcohol was dulling their stress and anger, and for a little while, they would forget the atrocities that they saw each day.

She felt that familiar craving rise to the surface. Olivia could practically taste the beer in her mouth.

_I deserve a drink. I kill myself for this job. Why should the guys get relief while I can't?_

The urge to drink continued to heighten. Olivia's heart was racing and she could feel sweat on her forehead.

_Screw it. One beer isn't going to kill me._

"Mind if I join you?" Olivia asked, nodding her head at the pitcher.

"Finally. We thought we had an imposter with us," Munch replied. He signaled for the waiter and asked for another glass. Once Munch got the glass, he poured a beer for Olivia.

Elliot raised his glass and the others followed. "Cheers, gang," he toasted.

* * *

One glass turned into six or seven. Olivia had lost count after her fourth drink. It didn't matter, because she was feeling great.

Once Olivia had taken that first sip of beer, her self-control flew out the window.

"How are you doing over here?" the waiter asked.

Olivia grinned. "I'm outstanding! I want to switch it up. Can you bring me a vodka cranberry?"

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Elliot interjected. "You drank half the beer we ordered. Maybe you've had enough for tonight."

"Are you calling me a lightweight, Stabler?" Olivia turned to the waiter. "I'll have that drink."

The waiter nodded. "Sure thing. I'll have that out in a sec. Any other drinks?"

Olivia's three companions shook their heads. They still had beer in their glasses and were getting ready to call it a night.

"I'm done after this one," Munch announced.

"Me too. I gotta get an early start tomorrow," Fin concurred.

"Lame," Olivia said.

Fin and Munch polished off the remains of their glasses. "I've got the tab guys," Munch offered.

Fin and Elliot shared a look.

"When did you get so generous?" Elliot asked.

Munch held up his hands. "What can I say, I'm a nice guy. And perhaps you'll remember this kind gesture at a later date. Say, if I happen to need coverage for a weekend shift or two."

Fin and Elliot both groaned.

"Ok, old man," Fin replied. "But I think you'll need to cover a few more nights out in order for that to happen."

Munch got the check from the waiter and went up to the bar to pay.

Fin looked at Elliot and gestured towards Olivia. She was staring into space with a blank look in her eyes. Her drink was almost empty. "You got her? If not, I'll get her home. I don't think she's in any state to be wandering the streets on her own."

"Yeah, I'm fine," Elliot answered. "I'm not letting her out of my sight until we get to her apartment."

"Cool."

Munch came back to the table. He and Fin said their goodbyes and left the bar. Elliot stayed with his partner while she finished her drink.

"OK, Liv. I have to get home before Kathy kills me."

"No problem. I'll head home now too."

"I'm escorting you home and I don't wanna hear any protests."

"Such a gentleman, El. You're the best partner ever!"

Elliot rolled his eyes and smirked. "Remember that the next time you get pissed off at me about a case."

They left the bar and Elliot hailed a cab. He got Olivia into the back seat and jumped in. Elliot gave the driver her address and leaned back. He soon felt Olivia's body leaning into him.

Elliot glanced over at her and saw that she was fast asleep.

* * *

A few minutes later, they were in front of Olivia's building. Elliot paid the fare and gently nudged Olivia. "Wake up, sleepy head. We're home."

Olivia opened her eyes and looked at him with glazed over eyes. "What?"

Elliot opened the door. "Up and at 'em. Come on." He slipped out of the taxi and waited for Olivia to do the same.

He walked her up to her apartment and unlocked the door. Elliot watched as she plopped onto the couch.

"Do you need anything else?"

"I'm great, El. You're my knight in shining armor! I love you, partner!"

Elliot shook his head. "I should record you...you'd never say anything like this sober." He walked to the door. "Have a good night, Liv"

"You too, old pal."

Elliot laughed as he closed the door. Once he heard the door lock, he was satisfied that he could go home.

* * *

Olivia fumbled through her bag in search of her phone. When she found it, she saw a few missed texts from Alex.

"Hey, just wanted to see how you're doing."

"I guess you must have caught a case. Call or text me back when you can."

"You're probably busy. I just miss you. I wish you were here next to me."

That last text gave Olivia an idea. "I miss Alex too. I'm gonna go over there and surprise her." She grabbed her purse and rushed out of the apartment.

Despite being drunk, Olivia's knew exactly how to get to Alex's place. She soon found herself standing in front of the building. She dialed Alex and waited for a response.

* * *

The ringing phone jolted Alex awake. She reached over to her bedside table and checked the caller ID. Alex smiled when she saw it was Olivia.

"Hi Liv. How are you?"

"You know what, Al? I am fantastic! What about you?"

Alex was still a bit groggy. "I'm fine. I was sleeping."

"Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't realize."

"It's ok Liv, I'd rather talk to you. What's up?"

"I want to see you, Al."

"We're seeing each other tomorrow. It will come before you know it."

"That's not soon enough. I want to see you now."

Alex chuckled. "I'm flattered, but we have to work tomorrow. By the time you get here-"

"I'm here now."

"What? What do you mean you're here now?"

"That is what I mean. I'm downstairs."

"Is something wrong?"

"No! I am phenomenal! Life is awesome! The only thing that will make my life better is if you let me come upstairs."

"You're always welcome to come over but I'm-"Alex stopped in mid-sentence because she suddenly put two and two together. "You've been drinking, haven't you?"

"I went out with the guys. And well...I may have indulged a teeny, tiny bit."

"Why didn't you call me? I told you that you could call anytime."

"I figured that one drink wouldn't hurt," Olivia argued.

Alex sighed. "One drink probably wouldn't have hurt, if you were able to limit yourself, which obviously you couldn't. We'll talk about this, but right now, go to the concierge desk. I'll call and tell him to let you up."

"Thanks, Alex. You're the best girlfriend ever!"

"Pretty much. Now go inside. I have to call downstairs."

"Yes, Allosaurus. Hey, that can be my new pet name for you!"

"No, that will not be an acceptable nickname."

"Oh come on, Allosaurus."

"This is not up for discussion. Liv, get inside this instant! I'm going to hang up now."

Alex hung up and called the concierge. She opened her front door and stood in the doorway, waiting for Olivia to come upstairs. "What the hell am I supposed to do now?" Alex wondered.


	8. Chapter 8

**_Author's Note:_ Holy balls and bats, moving is the worst! It's always stressful and anything that can go wrong always does. At least for me. I also still don't have home internet, because transferring service is like rocket science or something. Hopefully this will be resolved soon so I can update in a more timely manner. **

**OK, enough "poor me". Let's shift to "poor Olivia". Again, thanks for the reviews and follows! It really means a lot to me that you all like this story :) You've been really supportive and encouraging! There's a lot more to this story, and I'm excited to tell it.**

* * *

Alex watched Olivia stumble down the hall. Olivia used the wall as support and laboriously made her way to Alex's door. Once she was there, Alex took her hand and led her to the living room couch.

"Have a seat, Liv. I'll get you some water."

"Good old H2O. The stuff dreams are made of," Olivia replied.

Alex ignored that remark, mainly because she had no idea what Olivia was talking about. She poured a glass of water and took a bottle of ibuprofen from the cabinet.

Alex returned to the living room and handed the glass and two pills to Olivia. "Here, take these."

"I'm not sick, Alex. I feel great!"

"Take them for me. Consider it a gift to your future self," Alex said.

"These aren't roofies, are they? I'm just kidding. I know you would never do that. Although, if you think about it, you have the perfect cover. Attorney working for the city...no one would ever suspect you. On the other hand, plenty of govern-"

"Please just take the pills!" Alex interrupted. Olivia's drunken rambling was giving Alex a headache.

"Yes ma'am. Anything for you, Al." Olivia swallowed the pills and finished the glass of water. "Now what?"

"Well, it's late, and you and I both have work tomorrow. So now, we're going to get you ready for bed. Go to the bathroom and wash up. I'll bring you a change of clothes."

"That's like, the opposite of fun. Can't we do something else? Let's play hooky tomorrow. We can go to...the zoo. Or maybe Coney Island."

Alex could feel her blood pressure rising. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "No, Liv," she calmly said. "We are not playing hooky. I have a ton of work to finish up tomorrow, and I'm sure that the squad expects you to be in."

"I don't want to work tomorrow," Olivia stated matter-of-factly.

"Well, you're a big girl and can make your own decisions. But I strongly suggest that you call it a night. Cragen will ream you out if you don't show up." Alex knew that she couldn't really reason with Olivia while she was in this state. She hoped that the threat of negative consequences would motivate Olivia to get ready to go to sleep.

Olivia frowned. "Yeah, Cap'n wouldn't like that. You're so smart."

"I like to think so. Now, I want you to get ready for bed."

Olivia nodded and went into the bathroom. Alex got her a pair of gray sweatpants and a t-shirt. She knocked on the bathroom door.

"Hey Liv, I have some PJ's for you. I'll leave them by the door."

"Ok," Olivia acknowledged.

Alex put a blanket and two pillows on the couch for Olivia. She wanted to have a serious conversation with Olivia about her actions tonight, but Alex couldn't talk to Olivia now. She was completely wasted. Nothing would sink in, and Alex would just get frustrated. However, Olivia would have to face Alex in the morning - Alex was not going to let her off that easily.

Olivia came back into the living room and laid on the couch. She pulled the blanket up to her neck and positioned her head comfortably on the pillows. She looked expectantly at Alex.

"Do I get a goodnight kiss? It will help me sleep better."

Alex was still irritated at the whole situation, but she wasn't going to deprive Olivia. Besides, she hadn't been with Olivia all week, and she missed her lips.

"Sure, Liv," Alex leaned down and kissed her.

Olivia smiled and closed her eyes. "Perfect. Goodnight, Alex."

"Goodnight, Liv."

Alex stood by the couch and watched as Olivia drifted off to sleep. She observed the steady rhythm of Olivia's chest as she breathed in and out. Once Alex was sure that Olivia was settled, she went back to her bedroom. She set her alarm extra early, because she and Olivia were going to have a talk in the morning.

* * *

Olivia felt a hand gently shaking her shoulder.

"Hey," Alex whispered. "Time to get up"

Olivia opened her eyes and found herself staring at Alex. Confused, she looked around. She realized she was in Alex's apartment, laying on the sofa.

"Oh, no. No, no, no! What the hell happened last night?" Olivia thought to herself. She had no clue why she was at Alex's apartment. The last thing she remembered was waiting for a taxi outside the bar with Elliot. Olivia could see the sun streaming through the blinds, so clearly, she was busy last night.

Olivia sat up and held her head in her hands. "Alex...I" Suddenly a wave of nausea hit her. She lept up and ran to the bathroom. Once Olivia was done throwing up, she brushed her teeth and walked slowly back to the living room.

She sat back on the couch and avoided Alex's gaze by staring at the floor. "Alex...I...I don't even know what to say. I screwed up. Big time. I went out with the guys and obviously took it too far. I don't even know how I got here."

This statement alarmed Alex. She remembered reading that blacking out was a huge red flag for full-blown alcoholism. "I can't answer that. All I know is that you called me when you were downstairs. You woke me up. I had you spend the night because you were too drunk to safely make it back home."

Olivia was mortified. "I am so sorry, Alex. I honestly don't remember any of this. I remember Elliot hailing a taxi for us, but he wouldn't have taken me here. And if he did, you would have known. He must have taken me home, and then I decided to come here."

Alex took Olivia's hand. "Liv, this scares me. The fact that you have no recollection of what happened last night is terrifying. You could have gotten into serious trouble...you know better than anyone about the dangers lurking in this city."

"You're right, Alex. What I did was stupid and irresponsible. There's no excuse for my behavior. I thought I would just have one drink and call it a night. But as soon as I started drinking, I couldn't stop," Olivia admitted.

"I'm worried about you, Olivia. I care about you so much...I don't want to lose you to alcohol."

"I don't want to lose myself either. I obviously cannot drink anymore. I'm done."

"Liv, you told me that a few days ago. But you couldn't even last a week without drinking. Maybe you need to see someone-"

"No!" Olivia interrupted. "I can control this on my own. I don't need some shrink to tell me what I already know. Been there, done that, didn't help."

Alex kneeled next to Olivia. "Liv, this is different. I'm talking about seeing an addiction counselor. A person who is specially trained to help patients with substance abuse issues. I think it could really benefit you."

"I'm not a substance abuser!" Olivia cried. "I may have been hitting the bottle a bit too much these days, but I'm nowhere near the point of needing professional help."

"No, of course you're not!" Alex sarcastically shot back. She stood up and started pacing. "You got blackout drunk and showed up at my door in the middle of the night! This is after we agreed that you would call me if you felt like drinking. You went to a bar, which is the absolute worst environment you could put yourself in if you're trying not to drink. You wanted only one drink, but you ended up having God knows how many. You even admitted to me last week that you were concerned about your alcohol consumption. But hey, it's silly to nip this in the bud before it becomes a real problem!"

Olivia stood up and walked over to Alex. She leaned in to give Alex a hug, but Alex stepped back and held up her hand.

"I'm not finished yet. Liv, I know that you'll try your best to stay sober. But addiction is a beast. It's not rational or logical. It takes more than willpower to fight it. A professional can help give you strategies to cope when the urge to drink comes up. Because it will come up. It's nice to believe that you can will yourself to not drink. But reality doesn't work like that. You know this...you lived this with your mother."

Olivia looked deeply into Alex's eyes. "Alex, I'm not that bad off. I don't need counseling."

"Olivia-"

"Wait. Now it's my turn to finish. I'm going to make you a promise. If I slip up again, which I won't, but if it does happen, I'll see a counselor. I'll even go to rehab. Whatever it takes. But I'm not going to drink anymore. So, I don't need counseling right now."

Alex felt strongly that counseling was the best option. But she was in a precarious position with Olivia. If Alex pushed too hard, Olivia would shut her out. And if Olivia was left to her own devices, there was no telling what might happen. At least at this point, she could watch Olivia and support her.

Alex sighed. "Ok, Liv. Against my better judgment, I'll agree to those terms. But this is it. One more slip-up and you're getting treatment. And I will use any means necessary to make that happen, including getting Cragen involved. So keep that in the forefront of your mind."

Olivia grabbed Alex into a tight hug. "Thank you. I'm not going to screw this up."

"I hope not," Alex replied. She broke off the embrace. "Now, here's the game plan. I'm going to meet you at the station after work. We'll go to your house to get some clothes and necessities, because you'll be spending the weekend with me."

"That sounds awesome! I'd love that."

"Good, because I'm going to watch you like a hawk. There will be zero drinking on my watch. Now, we really need to get ready for work. You can borrow a shirt so that no one will know that anything happened last night. Do you need anything else?" Alex asked.

"A Tylenol, maybe? My head is killing me."

"You shouldn't take anything with acetaminophen during or after drinking. It taxes your liver and can cause serious damage. I'll get you ibuprofen instead," Alex offered.

"That's fine. Just as long as it helps with this massive headache," Olivia said.

Alex got her the medicine. "You can take a shower after me. I'll be quick."

Alex went into the bathroom and turned on a steaming hot shower. As the water flowed, she tried to figure out how else she could help Olivia. She decided to talk to Elliot and get his take on the situation. No one knew Olivia as well as he did, and Alex could trust him to keep quiet about Olivia's issues.


	9. Chapter 9

**_Author's Note:_ You readers are the best, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I have a short but important chapter for you today. Next chapter will be a biggie (both contentwise and lengthwise)! **

* * *

Elliot was sitting at his desk, researching a suspect's social media activity, when he felt his phone vibrate. He took it out of his pocket and saw a text message notification from Alex.

"Hey Elliot. Don't tell anyone that I texted you."

Elliot raised his eyebrows. "Ok. What's going on?" he typed back.

"I have kind of weird request. Can you stop by my office as soon as possible?"

"Sure. But that doesn't sound so weird."

"I need you to come alone and don't let anyone know where you're going. Especially Olivia."

That message did not sound good, and Elliot began to worry. "Alex, are you OK? You're not in danger or anything?"

"No, I'm fine, but I really need to talk to you about something."

"I'll be there in a half hour," Elliot confirmed.

"Thanks!"

Elliot stood up from his desk. Olivia looked up from her reports."What's up?" she asked.

"Nothing. An old friend texted me and asked if I could meet up. It's pretty quiet right now, so I thought I'd take an early lunch. Call me if anything," Elliot replied.

Olivia nodded. "Ok. Have fun."

"Yep." Elliot left the station and headed over to Alex's office.

* * *

Alex's door was open when Elliot arrived. He popped his head in and knocked on the doorframe.

"Elliot, great. Thanks for coming. Can you please close the door?"

He did as he was asked and took a seat across from Alex.

"Alex, are you sure you're alright? You're usually not this paranoid," Elliot remarked.

"Elliot, I promise I'm perfectly fine. This...this is about Olivia."

Elliot leaned forward at the mention of his partner's name. "What about Olivia?"

Alex took a deep breath. "I don't really know how to say this, so I'm just going to come right out with it. I think Olivia has a drinking problem."

Elliot's first instinct was to immediately jump to his partner's defense. But he restrained himself. Alex wouldn't make an accusation like this without a damn good reason. "What makes you say that?" he asked.

"We went out to dinner last Friday and she got completely obliterated. The next morning, she admitted to me that she noticed her alcohol consumption increasing. Olivia promised to avoid alcohol, but she couldn't even last a week. I imagine you know how drunk she was last night. So do I, because she showed up at my apartment and could barely walk straight."

"You're not serious," Elliot said, but he could tell from Alex's expression that this was no joke. "I took her home last night and she was completely out of her mind. She must have went to your place after I left. I'm amazed that she even got there."

"Elliot, have you noticed Olivia drinking more than usual?"

Elliot sighed. "Last week when she had 'food poisoning'...it wasn't food poisoning. But I figured it was a one time thing. I had no idea she was doing it on a regular basis."

"Do you think she has a real problem? She seems to fit a lot of the criteria for alcoholism. But maybe it's just a phase...maybe I'm overreacting?"

"I don't know, Alex. After what you just told me, I'm concerned. I mean, her mother was a drunk, and she went through a lot because of it. She's never really been the type of person who drinks to excess. But it seems like a pattern may be emerging."

"I talked to her this morning about getting help. You can imagine how well that conversation went," Alex said. "She promised that if she slipped again, she'd go see someone. But I really don't want it to get to that point."

"She's as stubborn and pig headed as I am," Elliot replied with a smirk. "What I can do is keep a close eye on her. I'm with her every day, so if something is off, I'll notice. Especially now that you've brought this up to me."

"Thanks Elliot. I don't want anything to happen to her."

"Honestly, Alex. This doesn't sound good. I hope she's not heading down that path. But I'll help in any way I can, and I'm sure you'll do the same."

Elliot stood up and walked towards the door. Before he opened it, he turned around. "So, you two went out to dinner last week, spent the weekend together, and she showed up at your place last night...something I should know, Cabot?"

Alex could feel herself blushing. "You'd find out sooner or later, but yes. Olivia and I have started dating. However, we're taking it slow and are trying to keep it quiet right now. Especially in light of Olivia's issues."

Elliot smiled. "My lips are sealed. For what it's worth, I've thought you two would make a perfect couple for years. I'm happy for you. And don't worry...Olivia will be fine. We'll make sure of it."

"Thanks again, Elliot. That really means a lot."

"You're welcome. See you soon, Alex."

"I can't believe Olivia is doing this," Elliot thought as he walked to the elevator. "I know that alcoholism can be hereditary, but her mother put her through so much BS that I never thought she would develop a drinking problem. Maybe Alex is overreacting. But she's not really the type to do that. I'll keep a closer watch on Liv, just in case."

* * *

At 5:30, Alex arrived at the precinct. To her surprise, she found Olivia was waiting for her outside, ready to go.

"Wow, Liv. We usually have to use excessive force to get you out of here," Alex remarked.

"Well, I have something much better planned for tonight than hanging out with the scum of New York," Olivia answered

"Great. Let's get this party started."

"And what a party it will be," Olivia grinned.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Author's Note:**_** I love the positivity from all you commenters. You're keeping me motivated! Accountability, y'all...it works! Wow, I just used "y'all" in a non-ironic way. I think I can officially call myself a Southerner now. **

**As promised, I have a longer chapter today for you. This is build-up before the proverbial rock bottom, which is coming in the next few chapters. **

* * *

Olivia unlocked her door and she and Alex entered her apartment. In contrast to Alex's welcoming Upper West side digs, Olivia's apartment screamed "single bachelorette pad". It had sparse decoration, and looked almost like no one lived in it. Olivia had always wanted to make it more "homey", but she never had time to do it.

"I'll only be a few minutes," Olivia said, as she proceeded towards her bedroom to pack for the weekend.

"Mind if I get a drink of water?" Alex called out to Olivia.

"I don't think I have bottled, but grab a cup from the cabinet closest to the stove," Olivia responded.

Alex went into the kitchen and took a glass from the cabinet. She turned on the tap and filled her glass. She was about to retreat back to the living room when a few large garbage bags piled in the corner caught her eye. The rest of Olivia's apartment was incredibly neat, so the pile of bags surprised her. "I hope this isn't what I think it is," Alex thought.

She felt awkward doing it, but Alex took a look inside the bags. Unfortunately, her suspicions were confirmed. Inside, she discovered dozens of assorted beer and liquor bottles.

Alex was shocked by the sheer amount of alcohol Olivia must have consumed. This trash pile looked like the cleanup after a frat party. She tried to calm herself. "This has to be several weeks worth of alcohol," Alex reasoned. "She'd be dead if she drank all this in the past week. And I really don't think Liv would lie to me."

Alex sank into a kitchen chair. Olivia's drinking problem was much more severe than she had originally thought. Even if those bottles represented a month of drinking, it was still much more than any healthy person would consume.

Alex couldn't ignore this. She and Olivia had to deal with it right then and there. "Liv, can you come in here, please?"

"Yep. I'm pretty much done packing. Be right there," Olivia replied.

Olivia went to the kitchen and paused when she saw Alex with the bags. She looked sheepishly at the floor. "Oh...you found those. I...I can explain."

"Look at me, Olivia." Olivia lifted her head until she was looking directly at the attorney. Alex's piercing blue eyes seemed to cut right through her.

"I'm going to ask you a question, and you need to be completely honest with me. Outside of yesterday, have you had a drink since last weekend?"

"No," Olivia insisted. "I swear. It's just...once the bottles started piling up, I was embarrassed. I didn't want any of my neighbors to see me throwing out all these bottles. I was planning on getting rid of them in the middle of the night. But I was so paranoid that someone would see me that I haven't been able to bring myself to do it."

"When did this start, Liv?" Alex's voice was soft and full of concern.

"I'd say...about a month and a half ago was when the garbage started piling up. But the heavy drinking had been going on for at least a few weeks before then," Olivia confessed.

"Barring that, do you see how many bottles you have here? You do realize that this is way too much alcohol for one person to consume? Right?" Alex inquired.

"Yep. I knew then and I know now," Olivia affirmed.

"Do you have any other alcohol in your apartment, Liv?"

"Nope. Honestly, all the alcohol I've bought has been consumed almost immediately. I hate to admit that, but it's the truth."

Olivia took a seat across the table from Alex. "It started off with a few drinks in the evening a couple times a week ...you know, after a rough day, just to take the edge off. Soon I found myself drinking every night. And I needed more and more to feel the same effect. I couldn't get enough."

Olivia started to cry. Alex moved her chair next to Olivia and rubbed her back.

"I thought I could control it. I really did," Olivia sobbed. "I can't believe I let it get this bad."

Alex wrapped Olivia in a hug and kissed the top of her head. For a few minutes, she just held Olivia as she cried. "It's ok, Olivia. Addiction is a medical condition. It's not a character flaw...and it's not your fault."

"Thanks, Alex. But it is. I should have never let it get this far. I should have never been weak. I know better. I lived this with my mother. I'm so pathetic...I don't know why you even want to be around me," Olivia sniffled.

"Olivia, you are an amazing woman. You're intelligent, brave, and compassionate. Not to mention hot." Olivia gave Alex a small smile.

Alex continued. "I'm lucky to have you. We all have our demons to face. Yours just happens to come in the form of a bottle."

"It's just so hard, Alex. I want to drink constantly. The thought is always there, lurking beneath the surface."

Alex saw an opportunity to discuss counseling again. "Liv, have you thought any more about what we talked about this morning? A substance abuse specialist could really help you."

"I honestly did think about it today. And every brain cell I have is telling me that it's the right thing to do. But emotionally...I can't. I just can't bring myself to go into counseling."

"Liv, don't you always urge victims to seek counseling? I understand that this a different type of situation, but a professional can really help you make a positive change."

"I fully admit that I'm a hypocrite. But I want to work through this on my own. My promise still stands though. If I slip up again, I'll go to counseling."

"What if I go with you?" Alex offered.

Olivia shook her head. "I know you're trying to help. And you are. Just knowing that you're here for me is tremendously helpful. But I don't feel comfortable going to counseling. I've done it before and it never felt right. If I just avoid alcohol, I'll be fine. Really."

Alex decided to drop it. Olivia was being completely sincere, and she did reaffirm her promise to seek counseling if things got bad again. "Ok. Now what do you say we get out of here?"

"Sounds good to me," Olivia said.

"But first, let's get rid of these bags. We'll give you a fresh start. And who cares what your neighbors might think? I highly doubt they'll be looking through your trash."

"I think that's a great idea, Alex."

The two women gathered up the trash and Olivia's overnight bag and left the apartment. They threw the bags in the dumpster and stood outside of Olivia's building.

"I love these warm late spring evenings," Olivia commented.

"The city is absolutely gorgeous during this time of year," Alex agreed. "Why don't we walk around a bit before going to my place?"

"I'd love that." Olivia grabbed Alex's hand and they started walking.

* * *

The two women arrived at Alex's apartment two hours later. They had decided on takeout barbecue since it fit in with the weather.

Alex brought out place settings and Olivia arranged the food onto the plates.

"I haven't had barbecue in ages. Good call, Liv. Speaking of barbecue, guess who's coming to New York next week?"

Olivia laughed. "There is only one person I would ever associate with barbecue...and that's because she would be lecturing us on how Texas is the only state that should legally be allowed to serve it. Abbie?"

"Yep. Seems like she'll be working on a case up here for a few days. She emailed me and asked if I'd like to meet her for dinner. You're welcome to come of course."

"That sounds good. I haven't seen her in ages. I didn't realize you two were that close though."

"We weren't really close when we worked together, but we always got along. Our friendship actually deepened when she moved away. Funny how that happens. I see her every so often when she's in New York," Alex replied.

"Yeah, we hung out a few times. She's quite a firecracker," Olivia said. "It will be nice to catch up with her."

"I'll let you know the details, Liv." Alex picked up her fork. "Now, this may not be Texan, but it smells delicious. Let's eat!"

Olivia and Alex stuffed themselves with the food. A little while later, they found themselves on the couch, food comas fully kicked in.

"Hey, are your Mets on tonight?" Alex asked. "We can watch them if you want."

"This is why you're the best girlfriend ever. I'd hug you, but I'm too full to move."

"I understand. I feel like I'm about to explode." Alex handed Olivia the remote and she turned the channel to the game.

"Oh, come on! Losing three to nothing in the second inning? This team is a joke. Forgive me in advance, Al, you may hear some profanity soon!"

Alex gasped in mock horror. "My virgin ears can't handle that! G-rated insults only!"

They both laughed. Olivia turned her full attention to the game. Alex soon found herself getting into it, especially since Olivia was so passionate about the team.

By the end of the game, Alex understood the subtle nuances of baseball a lot better. Olivia had patiently explained all the action to her. Alex had to admit that baseball was a lot more interesting now that she knew what was going on.

"What a great night," Alex remarked. "This is what I love most...just being with you." Alex leaned over and kissed Olivia. The kiss deepened and got progressively more intimate. They were soon making out like teenagers. Olivia's hands were canvassing Alex' body, exploring new and exciting territories. Alex couldn't concentrate on anything but how nice it was to be in Olivia's arms, feeling her everywhere on her body.

After a few minutes, they came up for air.

"Wow, that was... just wow." Alex said.

"I'm with you," Olivia agreed. She smiled and held Alex in her arms. "I could get used to this."

"And you should. Because I don't plan on ever letting you go, Liv."

The two women sat in contented silence. Neither wanted to be the first to break contact, but Alex's bladder started to scream at her.

"Ugh...bathroom time." Alex got up from the couch. "While I'm at it, I'm going to get ready for bed. I assume you'll be joining me after?"

"I've graduated from the couch? Yes!" Olivia exclaimed.

"You have, but I don't want to rush into sex. I want our first time to be perfect. So there will be minimal play time in bed, Ms. Benson."

"I totally understand, Alex. We'll both know when the time is right. I do expect lots of cuddling though."

"Of course. That's not optional. Now, I'm going to get myself ready."

After Alex left the room, Olivia walked around. She looked at the family pictures, the books, and the knick knacks Alex had decorated with. Her apartment was so warm and inviting, and Olivia wanted to soak up every detail.

She continued her journey around the room. Olivia walked over to the china closet and gazed inside. She doubted that Alex ever used the fancy dishware that was showcased. Her eyes then rose and stopped on the top shelf. A bottle of unopened red wine sat in the center of some wine glasses.

Olivia tried to look away, but the wine was like a magnet. She went from being completely content to agonizing over wanting a drink in the span of ten seconds.

_"I don't even like wine that much. Why am I craving it?"_

_"Because I'm nothing but an alcoholic loser, just like mom."_

_"That's not true. I'm just having a hard time. I'm not going to drink anything."_

_"That wine has probably been sitting there for ages. I bet Alex wouldn't even notice if I opened it."_

_"Alex isn't stupid. She would certainly notice."_

_"I promised I wouldn't drink. If I do, I'm gonna have to see a counselor. I'd rather set myself on fire than talk to another shrink. "_

_"Why is this so difficult? Why am I obsessing about this?"_

Olivia was sweating. She started pacing around the room, hoping to distract herself.

"Liv, I'm all set. You can-" Alex stopped in mid-sentence. She ran over to Olivia and pulled her into an embrace. "Hey, hey. What's wrong?"

Olivia shook her head. "Alex...I need you to hide that wine bottle in the china closet. I noticed it and started having cravings."

Alex could have kicked herself. Earlier in the week, she had arranged to put her wine collection in storage, figuring that it would be too much temptation for Olivia. But Alex had forgotten about that bottle of wine in the china closet. It was one of her favorites, so she usually kept a bottle out for herself. "I'll do one better." Alex said.

She took the bottle and led Olivia into the kitchen. Olivia watched as Alex poured the entire bottle down the drain.

"You didn't have to do that, Alex. You could have just hid it."

"No. I want you to feel safe here, Liv. I don't want you to have any unnecessary temptation. There's no more alcohol in my apartment, so you don't have to worry. And listen...I'm proud of you. It could not have been easy to resist trying to take a drink. Now, go get ready for bed. We're missing out on snuggle time."

"You are a sap, Cabot. But thank you. I'm looking forward to that too."

Olivia took her bag into the bathroom and dressed for bedtime. Alex made sure the doors were locked and then retreated to her bedroom.

A few minutes later, Olivia climbed into bed. She took Alex into her arms, and they both adjusted themselves until they were comfortable.

"This is where I belong," Olivia said out loud.

"Yep, Liv. I want you next to me. Always." Alex responded. "This feels so natural, like I've finally found what was missing."

"You are even sappier than I thought. But it's adorable. And I feel the same."

"I just hope no one else ever hears this. II'll never live it down. Now let's get some sleep."

"Goodnight, Alex."

"Goodnight, Liv."

Alex closed her eyes, but found it hard to go to sleep. Olivia had knocked out quickly, and was in a deep slumber. Alex was deeply troubled by Olivia's reaction to the wine. It wasn't normal. Addiction was taking over Olivia's life. Alex was going to continue to gently push counseling onto Olivia. Hopefully soon, she'd be able to convince Olivia to at least try it.


	11. Chapter 11

**_Author's Note:_ No matter how hectic my life gets, I can count on you FF readers to make me smile.**

**Two things. First, I've noticed that Alex and Olivia eat a lot in this story. I guess I must get hungry when I write :)**

**Second, this chapter is the fluff before the storm. The Titanic is rapidly approaching the iceberg. Brace yourselves...winter is coming.**

* * *

Alex opened her eyes and smiled. She could feel Olivia's arms wrapped tightly around her, and reveled in how good it felt.

She listened to the hard tapping of rain against the window. It was the perfect morning to be lazy and lay around in bed.

"I know," Alex thought, "Why don't we have breakfast in bed?" She wanted to do something nice for Olivia, and everyone likes being spoiled.

Alex then realized that there was still a lot more to discover about Olivia Benson. For example...what her favorite breakfast food was. She did know that Olivia hated eggs. She referred to them as "chicken snot" on more than one occasion. Alex decided that pancakes, bacon, and coffee were a safe bet.

To Alex, one of the best things about living in New York City was the convenience factor. She could get pretty much anything she wanted at any time. Alex reached for her phone and pulled up a food delivery service app. Several diners would deliver breakfast to her building, so she picked the closest one and ordered.

Once the order was confirmed, Alex closed her eyes and let herself doze off. She was awakened by her phone vibrating. It was the concierge desk letting her know that the delivery boy had arrived.

As much as Alex wanted to stay in bed, she was starving and wanted her food. She extracated herself from Olivia's embrace and got up from the bed.

Olivia stirred and mumbled something unintelligible.

"Shhh, Liv. Stay where you are. I'll be right back."

Olivia grunted an acknowledgment and rolled over on her side.

Alex quickly put on her robe and met the delivery man at the door. She paid for the meal and took it into the kitchen. She set the food out on two plates and located a tray in one of her cabinets.

Alex retreated back into the bedroom with their breakfast. "Wake up, Sleeping Beauty."

Olivia opened her eyes and rubbed them. "Huh?" she said, obviously still in sleep mode.

"I got us breakfast. Let's eat it in bed."

"Breakfast...ok," Olivia yawned. She slowly sat up and stretched.

"Are you always this articulate in the morning?" Alex laughed.

"Mornings are the worst. But they're much better with you around."

Alex blushed slightly. "I think I'll enjoy mornings much more if they start with me in your arms."

"I completely agree," Olivia said. "By the way, this smells delicious."

"Pancakes, bacon, and coffee. No eggs because I know you hate them," Alex replied.

"Eggs are also the worst," Olivia commented. "They're basically chicken snot...disgusting!"

"Yeah, I remember you mentioning that every single time I've eaten them when you're around. You've ruined omelettes for me," Alex grinned and carefully balanced the tray while she settled onto the bed.

"Good...then I won't have to worry about seeing them. Just thinking about eggs is making me gag."

"Well, I hope you like the pancakes. This diner had great reviews."

The two women ate their breakfast in a comfortable silence. Once they were done, Alex took the dishes into the kitchen. Olivia followed her.

"So, what do you want to do today?" Alex turned and asked her.

"How about seeing a play?" Olivia suggested. "I always tell myself I'm going to see more Broadway shows, and I never do."

"Sounds great. Any preferences?"

"Something light and fun. I think we both could use a break." Olivia remarked.

"Hmmm..." Alex searched on her phone for available tickets. "Yes!" Alex shouted. "I've found the perfect show! Rock of Ages!"

"Really? I pictured you as more of a Mamma Mia type."

"Ew, no, I hate disco. Now '80s hair band', that I can get into," Alex admitted.

"What? Seriously?", Olivia asked. "I would have never guessed."

"Yes, Liv. I love 80s rock in all forms."

Olivia laughed. "You should crimp your hair and tease it to the sky for the show. Maybe we can go to Goodwill and find some acid washed jeans for you to wear. That would be amazing!"

"Oh, I think wearing normal clothes will be perfectly appropriate tonight. 80s music is great. 80s fashion...not so much."

"I'm picturing you jumping on your bed playing air guitar. So you rock out to Def Leppard and Whitesnake? That is hilarious."

"Yes I do. And I would totally sing along to 'Here I Go Again' if it came on the radio right now. Now come on, Benson, you must have a secret love of some type of embarrassing music. Everyone does."

"Nope. My tastes are highly refined. Nothing but the most critically acclaimed music enters my ears."

Alex rolled her eyes. "You're full of it! Spill."

"Well, OK. There is one tiny exception. Ugh, I can't believe I'm going to admit this out loud. Now, you know me...I'm a born and bred Manhattanite. To me, the great outdoors is Central Park. I've never even ridden a horse. But despite this...I absolutely love Dolly Parton. I mean, I could listen to her all day, every day."

Alex doubled over with laughter. "I'm dying here. Ms. New York City herself is a closet hillbilly!"

"Hey, watch it," Olivia warned. "Don't you insult Dolly! Show some respect - she's a legend."

Alex had tears in her eyes from laughing so hard. "Next thing I know you'll want to ride to work on a tractor."

Olivia groaned. "You do realize that If you tell anyone, I will have to leave the state. Especially Elliot...I'll never hear the end of it."

"It will be our little secret. Maybe we'll go to Dollywood this summer."

"If Dolly is going to perform, then yes, I absolutely want to be there," Olivia responded.

Alex shook her head. "You're actually serious. If you really want to go, I'll ask Abbie where I can get a cowgirl hat. I would hate to look out of place."

"You would look so hot in a cowgirl outfit," Olivia said.

"Oh great, now look what I've started. OK, topic change...I've just ordered our tickets. I'm going to shower and get ready for the day. Feel free to use my laptop or turn on the TV, Liv."

"It's too early to think. I'm going to put on some mindless television."

Alex smirked. "Yeah, maybe '9-to-5' is on."

"It's a classic!" Olivia defended, but she couldn't help but smile.

"Right." Alex leaned over and kissed her. "See you in a few."

"Don't be too long, Alex. I'll get lonely."

"I won't," Alex promised.

* * *

It had stopped raining by the evening. The two women had spent the afternoon lazing around Alex's apartment before leaving for the show. After a nice meal at an Irish pub, they made their way to the theater.

They entered the theater, where an attendant showed them to their seats. The young man handed them their Playbills and two fake plastic lighters. "For the power ballads," he said.

Alex looked around the theater, which was decorated like an 80s dive bar. "This is so cool!" Alex exclaimed.

Olivia took her hand. "Wow, you really are excited. I'm sure the show will be amazing. I'd better hear you singing along."

"Obviously, Liv. As if there was any other option!"

"You're getting a Poison t-shirt for Christmas, you do realize that," Olivia said.

"I already have one," Alex confessed. "I went to their concert in Jersey a few years ago. I couldn't leave without a souvenir."

Olivia's mouth was hanging wide open. "You actually went to see Poison live. I...don't even know how to respond to that."

Alex grinned. "It was a lot of fun."

Olivia was still trying to formulate a response when the house lights dimmed. Soon, the music was blasting and the performers took the stage.

True to her word, Alex sang along with every song. Olivia enjoyed the show, but she enjoyed watching Alex even more. Alex really let loose when she was comfortable around someone. Her Ice Queen status was in serious jeopardy.

* * *

As soon as Alex unlocked her front door, Olivia's phone rang.

Olivia glanced at the screen. It was Elliot.

"Hey, sorry to interrupt your romantic evening, but-"

"Let me guess. We caught a case," Olivia sighed.

"Yeah, and this one looks pretty gruesome. Can you meet me at Lenox Hill?" Elliot asked.

Olivia let out a breath. "Sure. I'll head out now. See you in a few." She hung up the phone and turned to Alex.

"I understand. Go." Alex said.

Olivia squeezed Alex into a tight hug. "Tonight was so much fun. I wish I didn't have to go. Unfortunately, Elliot said this one looks pretty bad."

"Just part of the 'cop girlfriend' life, I guess. I wish you could stay too. Please be careful, Liv."

"I always am. I'll let you know what's going on as soon as I can. Keep the bed warm!" Olivia gave Alex a quick peck on the cheek and rushed out of the apartment.

Alex lingered by her open door for a minute before locking up. She knew that these types of calls came with the territory. But now the stakes had increased. Olivia was no longer just her friend. Olivia was her girlfriend. Alex was falling hard and she was falling fast. She probably wouldn't be able to sleep until she knew that Olivia was safe. She wondered if she'd ever get used to this new reality.


	12. Chapter 12

**_Author's Note: _FF**** readers are my favorite Internet strangers; you're all so sweet!**

**Winter is here! I've split this update into two chapters, so you get two for the price of one today!**

**Sorry for the delay; this was a difficult portion of the story to write, so I spent a lot more time on it. Trigger warning, just in case: sexual assault is mentioned, but there are no graphic descriptions. **

* * *

Olivia spent most of Saturday night and all of Sunday on their latest case. A six year old girl, Sadie Marks, was rushed to the hospital after a neighbor found her lying in the alley next to their building. The girl was strangled and badly beaten. Upon further examination, the doctors found evidence of repeated sexual assault. The hospital called in SVU, but unfortunately, Sadie died while in surgery.

Sadie's mother was a real piece of work. Sandra Marks was found passed out in their apartment with a needle in her arm. She was taken to the hospital to detox. When she woke up on Sunday, Olivia and Elliot went to break the news to her about her daughter.

Olivia took a deep breath. "Ms. Marks, I'm Detective Benson, and this is my partner, Detective Stabler. How are you feeling?"

"Like hell," Sandra answered. "They won't give me morphine or dilaudid. I need a fix bad. I'm itching like crazy. Oh, and I don't have anything on me, so you can't arrest me."

"Ms. Marks, we're not here about any drugs you may or may not have had. This is about your daughter," Elliot replied.

"Sadie? What about her?"

Olivia and Elliot looked at each other.

"Ms. Marks...I don't know how to tell you this," Olivia began. "Sadie was found beaten and strangled outside of your building. She was rushed to the hospital, but...she didn't make it. I'm so sorry."

"So she's dead?"

"Yes," Elliot confirmed.

"Oh. That's a relief."

"What?!" Elliot demanded. "Your daughter is dead!"

Sandra nodded. "Yeah you told me. And I'm relieved. I hated that little demon. Having a kid sucks. You have to feed it and take care of it. Screw that! Partying is much more fun"

Elliot's face turned red. "You killed her, didn't you?!"

"No. I let her go out with Randall, while I, uh, had some fun."

"Who's Randall?" Olivia asked.

"My boyfriend. He dealt with her crap so I didn't have to. I let him have free reign with her. He really liked taking care of her - they were always together," Sandra answered.

Elliot continued the questioning. "Does Randall have a last name? And any idea where we can find him?"

"Cooper. And I don't know, he's probably dealing around the neighborhood to get some money."

"Are you aware that Sadie was being abused? The doctors found evidence of sexual trauma," Olivia said.

"Yeah, I wasn't always able to 'please' Randall, so to speak. Sadie filled that role in nicely. That's the only thing the little slut was good for."

Elliot punched the wall. "Lady, you are sick! You knowingly let your daughter get raped and killed! I'm gonna make sure you rot in Rikers for the rest of your life! Liv, you finish with her, I'm going to find this Randall Cooper."

Elliot stomped out of the room.

"Sandra, how could you let this happen to your own flesh and blood?" Olivia asked.

"Look, I never wanted a kid. I got pregnant by some random hookup. I don't even remember the guy. I didn't want the responsibility. Every time I looked at her, I saw my mistake. She was my punishment. But I wasn't going to stop using just to care for a kid I didn't want. She was a burden and I'm glad she's gone."

Sandra was utterly unaffected by the death of her daughter. Olivia was shocked.

"You screwed up, big time, Sandra. You're going to prison," Olivia pointed out.

"I didn't kill her!" Sandra shot back.

"Once the jury hears about your knowledge of the abuse, you're gonna be put away for a long time. As soon as the hospital releases you, you'll be taken into custody. I'm done with you. I'll be arranging for an officer to be posted outside your door at all times, so don't even think about trying to escape."

"Whatever," Sandra calmly said.

Olivia left the room and went back to the precinct. She couldn't wait for Elliot to bring in Randall Cooper. Nailing him was her top priority.

* * *

It was now Monday morning. Olivia has texted Alex throughout the rest of the weekend, but she couldn't bring herself to take a break from the case. Alex missed Olivia, but she understood. Olivia promised that they would see each other later that night.

It was Fin and Munch who actually brought Randall Cooper in. They found him while canvassing the neighborhood where Sadie lived. He had a mile long rap sheet of arrests, including several assault charges. He added an 'assault on an officer' charge while Fin and Munch were detaining him - he tripped Munch, causing Munch's ankle to swell up. Now Munch was icing his foot while Cooper waited in an interrogation room.

Cragen walked to the detectives. "We have a report of a possible sexual assault on a body some unis found in Central Park. They're up by the Museum of Natural History. Olivia and Elliot, you're on it."

"I'll want Cooper," Olivia insisted. "I'm going to make him crack."

Cragen hesitated, sensing that Olivia was getting too deeply wrapped up in this case. But she and Elliot were involved since the beginning, so Olivia may have had some more information that could help them get a confession. "Fine. Elliot, Fin, get out to the park. Munch, you man the desk and phones. Olivia and I will take on Cooper's interrogation."

* * *

Olivia entered the interrogation room and tossed a picture of Sadie onto the table. She and Cragen sat down across from Cooper.

Olivia started her questioning. "So, you like little girls. What happened, Sandra not young enough for you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, detective."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Don't play dumb with me, Sandra told us everything. You used Sadie as a living sex toy! You're disgusting!"

Cooper slammed his fists on the table. "That junkie bitch! She never knew when to keep her mouth shut. Where is she, I'm gonna slit her throat!" Cooper made a dash for the door, but Cragen stopped him.

"Sit down," he ordered.

Cooper complied with the request. "It's not like she loved the little whore anyway. Sandra never had a good word to say about Sadie. She said I could do whatever I wanted with her."

Cragen interjected. "Are you admitting to having sex with Sadie?"

Cooper smirked. "Not necessarily."

His smugness irritated Olivia. "You know what? We're gonna find your DNA all over Sadie. Between that and Sandra's statement, you won't see the light of day ever again!"

"You have nothing on me besides the words of a drug addict," Cooper said.

Olivia's adrenaline was pumping. She wasn't going to let this piece of trash get away with his crime. She decided to take a more aggressive approach.

"I guess you weren't man enough for a woman your own age! How small are you anyway?"

"I'll show you man enough!" Cooper lunged at Olivia. Olivia grabbed his arms and forced him onto the ground. Then she exploded and started punching him. Cragen swiftly pulled her off of him, but not before she got in a few good hits.

"That's what I thought. You can't satisfy a real woman, so you had to use a child," Olivia baited him.

"You shut your mouth, right now or I'll shut it for you! Sadie was just a hole for me to stick it in!"

Olivia smirked. "You realize you just dug yourself your own 'hole' so to speak."

Cooper angrily stood and flipped his chair. "Alright! I did it! And I'd do it again! She was a slut, just like her mother!" Cooper angrily yelled.

"I'll make sure you spend the rest of your life with a cell mate who treats you like a sex toy. I'd castrate you right here if I could," Olivia threatened.

"Benson, enough! I'll take it from here. Wait for me in the crib," Cragen ordered.

Olivia was riled up now. She rushed out of the interrogation room and went into the crib.

* * *

Alex stared at the stacks of paper piled on her desk.

"Maybe if I close my eyes and will them to go away, they'll disappear," she thought to herself.

Alex closed her eyes and imagined a completely bare desk.

She opened her eyes to find the same piles taunting her. "It was worth a shot," she shrugged.

Monday was shaping up to be extremely busy. It seemed like every time Alex finished one task, three more would pop up.

Alex's phone rang. She immediately felt herself tense up, but was relieved when she saw Abbie's name on the Caller ID. "Hey Abbie, what's up?"

"Oh, I had some time before my next meeting and figured I'd call. Do you want to have dinner tonight?"

"Yes!" Alex exclaimed. "I was wondering though...um...can we make it a threesome?"

"Wow, Alex, I had no idea you were into that! I'm game though, I always knew you wanted to sleep with me. I thought our first time would be just the two of us though."

Alex knew that Abbie was teasing, but it didn't stop her from turning beet red. "Get your mind out of the gutter, Carmichael."

Abbie laughed. She loved needling Alex. "So who's the lucky person?"

"Olivia."

"Benson?!"

"Yes, Abbie. Olivia and I have been seeing each other."

Abbie whistled. "Whoa, Cabot, talk about a score! Can we go back to that threesome idea?"

Alex sighed. "Abbie, I know this is probably impossible for you, but I'd appreciate it if you kept this to yourself. We haven't told anyone except for Elliot yet."

"No problem, Al. I look forward to dining with you and the lovely detective. Say 7:00 at Lupe's?"

"Perfect! I haven't had Mexican in awhile," Alex said.

"Awesome! Well, I have to run to another thrilling meeting. I'll meet you at the restaurant as long as I don't die of boredom first."

"Sounds good. Later, Abbie."

Alex hung up and grinned. This day was looking up. Alex got her second wind and began plowing through her deliverables.

* * *

Sandra Marks was the drug addicted reincarnation of Serena Benson. The way she talked about her now-deceased daughter was exactly the way Olivia's mother talked to her when she drank. Serena's true feelings about Olivia came out the moment she had alcohol in her system. Olivia could hear her mother's voice echoing in her head.

_"I never wanted you!"_

_"You're the reason I drink!"_

_"Every time I look at you, it's like being raped all over again!"_

_"I wish you would just die!"_

Randall Cooper was a violent and abusive man who should have been behind bars a long time ago. After Sealview, Olivia swore that she'd never let anyone violate her again, and that anyone who tried would experience a world of pain. When Cooper lunged at her, she automatically went into attack mode. If Cragen didn't intervene, she was sure she would have killed him. And she would have had no regrets about it.

"Why did Cragen have to stop me? Cooper deserved every shot I got off on him." The fact that she couldn't make him suffer at her own hands made Olivia even more upset.

Olivia's blood was still boiling when Cragen found her furiously pacing around the crib.

"Benson, I want you to take the afternoon off."

"But Cap, I-"

"No buts, Olivia. You attacked a suspect!"

"It was self defense," Olivia argued.

"Bull. Subduing him was self defense. Those punches you took after could be classified as assault. I don't think he'll make any brutality claims, and they probably wouldn't hold water if he did. But you're clearly not in the right frame of mind to handle this case today. You're taking a break. That's an order," Cragen commanded.

"Yes, sir." Olivia knew better than to argue with her captain.

Cragen shifted from captain mode to friend mode. "Liv, is there anything you need to talk about?" His tone was softer and filled with concern.

Olivia politely brushed him off. "No, I'm fine. You're right...I just need to clear my head. I shouldn't have let Cooper get under my skin. I'll be back fresh and ready to go tomorrow."

"Good," he said. "But if you need anything, please call me."

"I will," Olivia half-heartedly agreed. She walked to her desk to gather her things. Luckily, no one else was around. She didn't feel like talking to anyone.

Olivia left the precinct and headed towards the subway. Right before she went underground, she received a text from Alex. Normally, seeing Alex's name on the display would instantly improve her mood, but Olivia was too worked up for it to have an impact.

_"Hey Liv. Dinner with Abbie at 7. Lupe's in Midtown."_

"Ugh," Olivia thought. She really did like Abbie, but she was not in the mood to socialize today. Still, she knew that it would make Alex happy, so she begrudgingly agreed to do it.

_"Sure. Meet you there."_

With that, she headed down to the subway station to catch the next train home.

* * *

Olivia got off the train and walked towards her building. On her walk, she spotted her old favorite haunt, Empire Spirits.

She stopped near the entrance. Her urge to drink was overwhelming, and her thoughts began to spiral.

_"I can't drink. I promised Alex I wouldn't."_

_"She won't find out unless I tell her. She'll never know if I just have one. Just one drink to ease my mind! One drink is like nothing - it's like water to me."_

_"I'm deluding myself. I've proven time and time again that I can't stop once I start. She'll find out because it won't be just one."_

_"Then I'll have to see a counselor. What the hell good is that? I'd rather drink from the Hudson River than ever waste my time on counseling again. The shrink I saw after Sealview did absolutely nothing to help me."_

_"I'm smart. I'm a detective. I know how to conceal things. I bet I can have one drink and no one will ever know."_

_"I can stop at one. Those other times, I just didn't feel like stopping at one. I kept drinking because I wanted to, not because I couldn't control it."_

_"Eh, screw it. This day is already a disaster. Might as well do something to enjoy myself."_

Olivia entered the liquor store.

"Hey Olivia! Long time, no see." She was greeted by Mike, who co-owned the store.

Olivia plastered a fake smile on her face. "Hi Mike. I've just been busy. These criminals never take a break!"

"I don't know how you do it. I would shoot someone on my first day."

"Yeah, it's tough. But I have the afternoon off and figured I would enjoy myself," Olivia replied. She picked up a bottle of mid-range vodka and some diet soda to chase it with. After she paid, she practically sprinted to her apartment.

Olivia set the two bottles down on the coffee table. She went to the kitchen and put some ice in a glass. She returned to the living room and settled into the couch.

Before opening the vodka bottle, Olivia set an alarm on her phone to remind her when she had to leave to meet Alex and Abbie. "Of course, I'm only going to have one drink," she rationalized. "But I may get distracted or fall asleep. Better to have the alarm on just in case."


	13. Chapter 13

**_Author's Note:_ Blizzard warning! **

* * *

Abbie stood in the small waiting area of Lupe's. She felt her phone vibrate. It was a message from Alex.

_"Hey, running a bit behind, but leaving the office in a few. Olivia should be there any minute."_

Abbie rolled her eyes. Alex was even more committed to her job than she was.

_"No problem,"_ Abbie texted back.

Abbie looked up and saw Olivia enter the waiting area. As soon as Olivia saw her, she enveloped Abbie into a huge bear hug.

"Abbie, it's been too long. But it's so great to see you!" As Olivia spoke, Abbie noticed a hint of vodka on Olivia's breath. Olivia released her grip and smiled at Abbie, awaiting her response.

"I know, but my job has kept me so busy. I see you've already started the party," Abbie smirked.

"Eh, just a little stress release from today," Olivia explained. "We are going to rock this town!"

Abbie could tell by the glazed look in Olivia's eyes and her exaggerated speech that the "little" stress release Olivia had referred to was actually quite a large amount. This would be interesting; she'd never seen Olivia drunk.

The two women were seated and they started to look over their menus. Their server came over and introduced himself.

"Hello, my name is Mauricio and I'll be taking care of you today. Would you like to start off with one of our legendary margaritas?"

"So, I don't think I even have to ask this, Liv, but...margaritas?"

Olivia grinned. "Yes! God, you're brilliant!"

"Yes I am," Abbie agreed. She smiled at Mauricio. "Can we please have a regular margarita pitcher? With salt, of course."

"Coming right up." Mauricio proceeded to the bar to get their pitcher.

"So, what's been going on with you hotshot?" Olivia inquired. "I've missed you!"

Abbie smiled. "I've missed you too. Not much has been going on with me. I work a lot, but it's rewarding."

"So, are you seeing anyone?" Olivia blurted out, rapidly changing the subject.

"Haha. The only serious relationship I have is with my administrative assistant. And we're just friends."

"Come on, really?"

"She's 56, married, and has grown children."

"Well, that's disappointing. But I get it, Abs. I'm the same way. But I feel myself changing. I'm really starting to hate being married to my job."

"That wouldn't have anything to do with a certain attractive blonde, would it?" Abbie teased.

Olivia blushed. "I can honestly see us spending the rest of our lives together. I know it's early in the relationship, but I'm in deep, Abbie."

"That's sweet. For what it's worth, I think you'll make a great couple."

Mauricio returned with the pitcher. He poured a glass for each woman. "Are you ready to order yet, or do you still need more time? No rush at all."

Abbie answered him. "We're actually waiting for a third, so we'll just enjoy our margaritas for now. Thanks."

"You definitely have the right idea," Mauricio said, as he retreated to another table.

"Let's make a toast," Olivia said. She and Abbie raised their glasses and Olivia continued. "Cheers. To old friends and new adventures."

"Cheers!" Abbie chimed in.

Abbie took a long sip from her glass. "This margarita is unbelievable! It is hitting all the right spots."

Olivia gulped down her drink and poured herself another. "Yep, that it is. My day has improved tenfold by consuming this."

"You might want to slow down there, champ," Abbie remarked. She didn't want Olivia going too overboard.

Olivia laughed sarcastically. "My mom was a drunk. I have amazing alcohol genes. This will barely affect me."

Abbie shook her head. "If you say so."

"Hey, Abbie, want to help me?" Olivia changed the subject again.

"Help you with what?" Abbie asked.

"I want to propose to Alex tonight."

Abbie choked on her drink. She had a small coughing fit, but soon regained her ability to talk. "I think it's a little soon, don't you?"

"Yeah, but she's amazing. I figure I can quit the squad, she can quit her job, and we can move to a cheap place like Texas. We can get jobs at Wal-Mart or something."

Abbie cracked up. This was a side of Olivia Benson she had never seen before.

"Texas is the greatest place in the world, so you have no objection from me on that end. But I think Alex may have some other ideas on what she'd like to do with her life."

Olivia reached for another pour from the pitcher. "You're probably right. Maybe I can just quit the NYPD and she can support me while I lay on the couch and eat bon-bons all day."

"You, quit? Yeah, right. I can see you lessening your workload, but you are an awesome detective. You've done so much for the people of this city. And you love your job."

Olivia's mood quickly changed. Her smile was replaced with a scowl and her eyes darkened. "Not anymore. I'm so sick of the scumbags I have to deal with. I've given everything to this job, and what do I get? Assaulted, tormented, abused, and heartbroken. I'm done, I'm quitting tomorrow!"

Abbie took Olivia's hand. "Whoa, Olivia, slow down! Don't make any hasty decisions." _Especially hasty drunken decisions, _Abbie thought to herself.

Olivia was getting agitated. "Abbie, I can't do it anymore. You have no idea what it's like. You have no idea what I've gone through!"

Abbie was definitely not expecting Olivia's rapid shift from happy and carefree to bitterly depressed in the blink of an eye. She shifted her chair until she was next to Olivia. "You're right. I don't. But if you need to talk, or need support, I'm here."

Olivia started to cry. Abbie awkwardly hugged Olivia and tried to console her as best as she could. She could feel the other patrons staring at them. "Liv, honey, it's going to be OK. Would you like to get some air?"

Olivia nodded and continued to cry into Abbie' shoulder. Abbie caught Mauricio's eye and he rushed over.

"She just received some bad news," Abbie lied. She grabbed some money from her wallet and handed it to him. "Will this be enough for the pitcher?"

"Yes ma'am. More than enough, let me get your change."

Abbie shook her head. "It's fine, keep it. Thank you."

Abbie guided Olivia out of the restaurant. As soon as they got outside, Abbie saw Alex walking towards them. When Alex noticed Abbie's arm around Olivia, she quickened her pace.

"Abbie, what happened?" Alex demanded as she reached the two other women.

"I honestly don't know. Olivia and I were just drinking some margaritas and catching up. She was incredibly upbeat and cheerful for awhile, and then her mood rapidly disintegrated. She had a meltdown inside, so I took her out here."

Alex let out a deep breath. She reached in to hug Olivia. "Hey, baby, it's me. Come on, let's get you home."

Olivia didn't respond but she clinged to Alex. Alex looked over at Abbie. "Abbie, this isn't anything you've done. Olivia's drinking has been out of control. I thought she was managing it, but clearly, I was wrong. Can you hail us a cab? I'll explain everything when we get to my place."

Abbie walked to the curb and expertly flagged down a taxi. The women all squeezed into the back seat.

* * *

Alex and Abbie got Olivia into Alex's bed, where she promptly passed out.

Alex closed the door to the bedroom. She and Abbie walked into the living room and sat next to each other on the couch.

Alex straight ahead, blinking back tears. "I'm really sorry that our reunion dinner turned out like this."

"It's not your fault, Alex. Please don't blame yourself."

"But if I were there earlier I could have-"

"Stop, Alex," Abbie cut her off. "You wouldn't have been able to do anything. Olivia was already past the tipping point when she got to the restaurant. I thought we would just continue the fun with some margaritas. If I had known how bad her problem was, I would have never ordered that pitcher."

"Wait, she was drunk when she got to the restaurant? Something must have happened at work today. Goddammit, Elliot promised to keep an eye on her!" Alex yelled. She angrily pawed through her purse until she found her phone. Abbie could tell that Alex was about to call and ream into Elliot. She snatched the phone from Alex's hands.

"Alex, don't. Elliot is a good man and he truly cares about Olivia. You know he'd keep his word. He probably has no idea what went on."

"You're right," Alex said. "I'm not being fair to him. He wouldn't have let this happen."

"I feel terrible, Alex."

"It's not your fault either, Abs. I didn't think to warn you because...well...because..." Alex couldn't finish her sentence. She started crying .

"Oh, Alex," Abbie leaned towards her and wrapped her into a tight hug. Abbie gently rubbed Alex's back and silently held her as she cried.

After a few minutes, Alex broke the embrace. "Abbie, I've been lying to myself. Or more accurately, I've been trying to convince myself that Olivia's drinking problem is not as severe as I know it is. A small part of me wanted to believe that being there for her would be enough. But it's not."

"Hey, listen to me Al. Olivia is one of the strongest people I know, and if anyone can get through this, she can. Plus, she has a great woman to support her."

"I know, but I am out of my mind with worry," Alex replied.

"I can tell how much you care about her. Which is good, because she's going to need your support. But listen to me, Alex." Abbie grabbed Alex's shoulders and looked her straight in the eyes.

"Judging by what you've told me, this problem is beyond you. You can't fix this on your own. Olivia needs professional help."

"You're right," Alex admitted. "And we've discussed it several times. She said that if she slipped up one more time, that she would agree to counseling."

"Tomorrow morning, we'll search for an addiction specialist. I think that's the best way to start the process. From there, we can see what the counselor recommends."

Alex sighed. "Don't get me wrong, Abbie. I know this is the right thing to do. But I'm scared. I don't want to lose her. Even though she promised to go, Liv was not happy with the idea at all. What if she resents me forcing her to go see the counselor and never forgives me?"

"That's a tough one," Abbie conceded. "But Olivia is on a dangerous path. Alex, I'm not trying to be dramatic, but this could kill her."

"I know," Alex whispered.

Abbie continued. "From what I heard tonight, Olivia is absolutely crazy about you. I sincerely doubt that she wants to lose you either. I'm pretty sure that she'd do anything you asked."

"Thanks, Abbie," Alex said.

"You're welcome. And remember, I'm always here for you two. Even though I may not be in town, you can always call me. If I have to, I'll drop everything and catch the next train up. I'll do whatever I can to help the both of you"

Alex hugged her friend again. "You don't know how much that means to me, Abbie."

Abbie gave her a small smile. "I think I do."

Alex returned the smile. "I'm going to check on Olivia. I'll be right back."

"Sure," Abbie said. She took out her phone to check some emails, but was quickly interrupted by Alex screaming.

"Liv? Liv! Abbie, she's not responding!"

Abbie tossed her phone onto the couch and ran into the bedroom.

"I can't get her to wake up!" Alex yelled.

Abbie checked Olivia's breathing and pulse. "Her breathing seems really labored, but it's there. And she has a pulse."

Alex frantically shook Olivia's shoulders. "Get up! Get up, Liv!"

Olivia didn't move.

"Alex, I think she may have alcohol poisoning. I'm calling an ambulance!" Abbie raced into the living room and quickly dialed 911.

Alex could barely make out what Abbie was saying to the dispatcher. She kept shaking Olivia's unresponsive body. She didn't notice that Abbie had hung up with the dispatcher and was now standing next to her.

Abbie grabbed Alex's arm and turned her away from the bed. "Alex, look at me for a second. I'm going to run downstairs to greet the ambulance. They'll be here in five minutes. Stay up here with her!"

Alex nodded. As soon as Abbie left, Alex collapsed onto the bed next to Olivia and sobbed hysterically.


End file.
